Tonight I'm able to simply feel gratitude, something I have struggled to uncover these last couple of weeks. And uncover really is the right word - I've been thankful, deeply deeply deeply thankful for so much from the moment we entered the emergency room two weeks ago. But I haven't been able to really feel it, it's been covered up with frustration and fatigue and the overwhelming feeling of uselessness.
Tonight, though, tonight I feel gratitude: for my exceedingly patient and loving wife; for our daughter whose unabashed joy at everyday things like running through the backyard and hugging her animals makes everything better; for co-workers who love me and care about me beyond what I can do for them in my job; for caring folks from the church who pray and bring food; for my parents who worry because they love me so much; for health insurance that made surgery possible...so many things, so many people, so many moments for which to be thankful.
I'm realizing that this healing is all about uncovering, removing what has made my body unwell for many years. The bad stuff is out now, physically. And what remains is new, raw, finding its way to wholeness and health through my resting, eating good food, laughing with my girls, sleeping deeply and often. And I'm grateful to have been given the opportunity to heal, literally from the inside out. My prayer tonight, tomorrow, and onward is to hold onto this gratitude in some measure each day, to hold it with an open hand and welcome what the healing brings.