Saturday, July 3, 2010

Change of Plans

I say often that I am fully, intellectually aware that I have very little control over most things - and also freely admit that I have what some would term control 'issues.'  Being in control of myself, my responsibilities, etc. is very important to me, despite the often futile nature of attempts at control.

And sometimes I learn the futility of these attempts at control in big, resounding ways.  Like being in a hospital room as the patient, not the visitor.  Being the one who is having the i.v. put in, not the one leading the prayer and holding hands.  Being the one who cannot do small things, like putting on a pair of shorts, without assistance.  Here I am, that one, that person who has to let go and let many others take care of me, and also let others handle my daily tasks, both at home and at work.

None of this was in my plans for the summer.  We're supposed to be close to a Florida beach about now, meeting up with my dad's big, loving, crazy family for a week.  But I can't travel yet.  Apparently, hysterectomies are kind of a big deal, and  riding in a car for that many hours would not aid in my recovery.  And so we'll miss the week, a loss that causes my heart to ache.  My parents are missing it, too as are sister and bro-in-law.  Mom and Dad came here, instead, to help our little family adjust to my drastically-different-than-planned needs.  I hope I'll be a parent like that, able to go, work, be present, etc. when Abby needs me.

I won't post pictures with this entry, they're really not fit for public viewing.  Suffice to say, this change of plans is also a much-needed gift to my body.  I've been carrying around too much stuff inside of me that needed to be excised, once and for all.

Maybe these weeks that must, for healing, be slow time, will allow other pieces, other stuff inside, to be let go of as well.  I'm praying for that possibility, for the grace to let what binds be freed.

And, I am grateful, beyond all words, for overwhelming, loving support from all corners of Asheville, and all parts of the U.S.  We have such a deep, caring community of people in our lives - healing is  already happening, and will continue to, simply due to all that love, and all that hope being held for us.


Jene' said...

Dear Heather,
My heart goes out to you for what you are missing. You continue to be my inspiration for focusing on the grace of the moment, being surrounded by loving family and friends and hoping that the empty space will make room for good things to come. I'll be praying for your swift and smooth healing and that the spiritual gifts you are working toward find their way to you.

Tiffany said...

My prayers are yours, my friend. Thanks for the update.

Leigh Jones said...

i hope you are doing better and healing heather! you, shannon, and little abby are in my prayers! i hope to see you soon when we visit!

Eve said...

Letting one's self be cared for instead of being the one doing the caring can be very difficult; however, sometimes being cared for is a gift not just to or for you, but to those who love you.

And you are loved.