Friday, July 18, 2008

In-between Time

It's an odd place to be, sitting in the present circumstance on the cusp of huge change. Soon, mere weeks away, I'll be unemployed for the first time since I was 16 years old. By choice, thankfully, not forced. Notice I did not say "not working." I freely admit I don't know a fraction of what it means to be a parent, but I do know that I will most definitely be working when this child arrives into our world.

The details of transition have been exhausting, to say the least. I've had many moments of relief remembering I will get a break from church life as I've known it. There's a lot that is not easy about parish life. The next moment, though, will be one of heartbreak as I remember what it means I will also be losing. There is also a lot that is overwhelmingly joy-full and grace-filled in parish life.

And I have to admit to the fear of this big change: being a pastor has been an enormous part of my identity for a long time. Identity shift to being seen primarily as 'mom' is not insignificant. It's difficult for me even to imagine another life. At the same time, I am eager to embrace the change because I am completely confident it is God's clear leading for this moment in our lives.

It's a lot to hold all at once, not to mention the coast-to-coast move it involves. Ecclesiastes promises that there is a time for everything. My challenge is to remember that promise also means God is in the midst of it all, that I do not hold any of it alone.