Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Laying it all Down

New Mexico morning -- today, Tuesday Aug 26, 7:00 a.m.

I woke up this morning an hour later than I wanted to, no idea what happened to the alarm. Probably not a bad thing since I didn't go to sleep until 2:00 a.m....though not for lack of trying. The knowledge of unemployment is one thing -- my head, heart and body implementing that is apparently another thing entirely. After 6 months of functioning on 4-5 hours of sleep, I don't even know how to go to sleep. Truth is, I don't know what to do with myself in general, with all these hours of time.

There are no phone calls to make to check on this or that thing or person. No emails to send in response to the latest round of cyber communication, no work email to read, even. I'm at loose ends, and it feels really odd. It's not like there isn't anything to think about -- a 35-weeks-pregnant wife and all that means is a great deal to think about. I guess it's just that there's been so much more than that for the past several months. Like, 300 other people. An entire community to hold in one way or another. And now, all of sudden, it's not mine to hold.

I'm driving into another life, and need to lay this other one down. Looks like that isn't going to be as simple as I thought.

1 comment:

pastor becky said...


I can relate to not knowing what to do. You will adjust, I believe. It's amazing how just life can fill up the hours. But it will take a while for the pace to change.
Meanwhile, I'm not going to have to make the shift back from 2 mph to 80 mph, going the opposite way from you.

My suggestion would be to create some routines for yourself that will give your day a little structure, some things to accomplish. Like praying, exercising, showering, you know, the basics. That can at least get you through the weirdness, even if you don't really do the routine your imagine. And maybe you will even develop some good habits that will stay with you once Baby fills up your time!

Love and peace and good restful sleep to you!