It's an odd place to be, sitting in the present circumstance on the cusp of huge change. Soon, mere weeks away, I'll be unemployed for the first time since I was 16 years old. By choice, thankfully, not forced. Notice I did not say "not working." I freely admit I don't know a fraction of what it means to be a parent, but I do know that I will most definitely be working when this child arrives into our world.
The details of transition have been exhausting, to say the least. I've had many moments of relief remembering I will get a break from church life as I've known it. There's a lot that is not easy about parish life. The next moment, though, will be one of heartbreak as I remember what it means I will also be losing. There is also a lot that is overwhelmingly joy-full and grace-filled in parish life.
And I have to admit to the fear of this big change: being a pastor has been an enormous part of my identity for a long time. Identity shift to being seen primarily as 'mom' is not insignificant. It's difficult for me even to imagine another life. At the same time, I am eager to embrace the change because I am completely confident it is God's clear leading for this moment in our lives.
It's a lot to hold all at once, not to mention the coast-to-coast move it involves. Ecclesiastes promises that there is a time for everything. My challenge is to remember that promise also means God is in the midst of it all, that I do not hold any of it alone.